It’s currently 10:42 pm, Korean Standard Time on September 29, 2021.
The night before our lives changed forever.
The last 18 months of this entire process were long. I never thought we’d get to the end. But now that we’re here, the time seems to be both speeding up, and stretching on forever. It’s one of those weird paradoxes of cognition and perception. The day we never thought would come has finally arrived. It has arrived too quickly.
When we arrived in Korea on August 25th, I had this grand plan of this trip being an epic trip, despite the Covid-19 pandemic. The last month before our travel was nerve-wracking and anxiety-ridden. There were days where we weren’t sure when we’d be traveling and days where we were convinced we’d have to pack our bags and leave the very next day.
Of course, as things in life occasionally do for most folks, it worked out in the end. But definitely not without adding a couple of gray hairs or wrinkles.
It’s hard to put into words the thoughts and emotions that I’m feeling right now. These last few days have been a mix of excitement, fear, anxiety, and joy—often all at once. International adoption during a global pandemic is not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.
I’ve been a ball of frenetic energy for the past five weeks. The first week we arrived, we were a complete mess. An early flight, combined with jet lag, and topped off with needing to keep East Coast time for part of the day definitely threw our brains into some sort of blender and I’m actually impressed we kept it together for the whole time. The Airbnbs we stayed in were too small (they’re really good at using wide-angle shots) and Elaine and I were perpetually in each others’ spaces—which wasn’t terrible. If you ever want to see how your marriage is doing, I highly recommend going overseas for over a month and staying in a studio Airbnb that’s smaller than your bedroom at home.
As I’m standing on the edge of the next chapter in my life and my marriage, I’m honestly not sure what’s on the next page. I feel like I’m not sure what to expect for the first time in a long time.
Our kid has already had so much life. He’s started to develop a personality with likes and dislikes. He has a routine. He has people who love him. And we’ll be the ones who will take him away from everything he knows.
Trauma-informed parenting was a huge part of our pre-adoption education. We’ve read books and articles on how to deal with children who have suffered a traumatic loss. The one thing that we’ll have in common with him is that we’ll all have lost a foundational relationship at the very fabric of our identities—for us our two babies, and for him, his biological mother and foster family.
The first several weeks will be incredibly difficult. We’re prepared for the worst. We’re hoping for the best. I’ll hopefully be keeping this up for the time being.